On 'being silenced' and 'censorship' in our speech habits:

Thinking about my friend Matt who

in the late 1990's stayed in relationship with me

even when I used the phrase "that's gay" as a pejorative phrase meaning 'that's dumb' or 'that's weird'.

As a gay man, Matt winced every time I said it.

After some time, Matt told me: "I'm gay and that phrase is offensive to me."

I knew he was gay
I had no problem with him being gay
But it hadn't occurred to me that I was offending him.

When he told me I was surprised and embarrassed and told him I'd stop using "that's gay" as a pejorative phrase.

It took awhile; I was 20 years old and habits die hard.

But I was grateful then, and now, that my friend Matt shared that with me. I suppose I could've felt 'silenced' or 'cancelled' but honestly it never crossed my mind. Because even then I think I realized "my freedom to use this phrase comes at a cost to other people; I can choose to use my freedom in a way that costs them less."

What I'm saying is: my life has not been adversely effected by not saying "that's gay" for the last 25+ years.

And at least one gay person was appreciative.

The brother of Jesus, James, has this to say about speech:

“The tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits. How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. (James 3.5-9)

I'm wary of those who want to turn *the ability to say whatever I want whenever I want to whomever I want* into a litmus test for 'freedom'.

Freedom for the Christian always has a telos; true freedom in Christ is always in the service of love. Being free to love is a gift, not a burden. Causing undo and unnecessary and unwitting harm is a burden and I'm grateful my friend Matt relieved me of it.

James attributes the willingness to yield for the sake of mercy and gentleness as evidence of the wisdom that is from above: “But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without a trace of partiality or hypocrisy.” (James 3. 17) This is how we do justice, James says.

Let us learn the work of righteous speech, taming the fires that consume others, for the sake of peace, mercy, and gentleness. Amen.